the way you can get

After a long difficult struggle, my 99 year old Granddad finally shrugged off his cumbersome earth suit on Friday, and flew away.
I was relieved for him.

Spent the weekend with my mom, Granddad's last seed still standing, sorting through hundreds of old photos. Boxes of bittersweet memories, as is often the case when the relationship is a complex one.

One picture we found really struck a chord with me - a picture of my Granddad and Gran shortly after they were married, sitting companionably close, peaceful in each other's space, each doing their own thing.
This marriage ended in divorce (unusual in that time) and looking at this picture gave me a surge of tenderness towards these 2 young people, so oblivious of what lay ahead of them.

Being quite well acquainted with my own character flaws, and how fragile relationships can be, I found myself wishing I could have been their friend... to share some of their utter frustration, their joys, their rage, their gentle holidays as a family - surely so similar to my own peaks and troughs.

I remember the only time my Granddad opened up slightly to me: shortly after I got married he asked me how it was going. Stunned by the directness of his question I mumbled something about how surprised I was by the intensity of the feelings I had experienced in my first few months of marriage. He nodded and added, "Yes, the rage can be quite overwhelming. But equally overwhelming is how much we need that person..."

That little peak into his soul stays with me. So honest, so vulnerable, so open to being judged by his granddaughter.


I dedicate this poem to them, and to the part of them in myself - the seed of their seed.

I Know The Way You Can Get...

I know the way you can get
When you have not had a drink of Love:

Your face hardens,Your sweet muscles cramp.
Children become concerned
About a strange look that appears in your eyes
Which even begins to worry your own mirror
And nose.

Squirrels and birds sense your sadness
And call an important conference in a tall tree.
They decide which secret code to chant
To help your mind and soul.

Even angels fear that brand of madness
That arrays itself against the world
And throws sharp stones and spears into
The innocent
And into one's self.

O I know the way you can get
If you have not been drinking Love:

You might rip apart
Every sentence your friends and teachers say,
Looking for hidden clauses.

You might weigh every word on a scale
Like a dead fish.

You might pull out a ruler to measure
From every angle in your darkness
The beautiful dimensions of a heart you once
Trusted.

I know the way you can get
If you have not had a drink from Love's
Hands.

That is why all the Great Ones speak of
The vital need
To keep remembering God,
So you will come to know and see Him
As being so Playful
And Wanting,
Just Wanting to help.

That is why Hafiz says:
Bring your cup near me.
For all I care about
Is quenching your thirst for freedom!

All a Sane man can ever care about
Is giving Love! 

From: 'I Heard God Laughing - Renderings of Hafiz'
(Translated by Daniel Ladinsky)