those one or two days

Once in a full moon I'm flooded
by emotion
for a couple of days
My heart becomes re-sensitised

On those one or two days
Days of raw feeling
I see everything
I see the stiffness of the elderly woman on the roadside
     as she bends to pick up something thrown to her
So unkindly given!
Humbly she picks up the scrap-gift 
      and then shuffles back to her begging post.
She has no couch to retire to, no cup of tea 

to take the edge off her wearisome week

There are no windscreen wipers 
    to clear my tears as I drive past

On those one or two days
It gnaws at my soul
To see children bickering, swearing, 
              clawing at each other,
Replaying their parents' bitter conversations.
Violent voices already the soundtrack of their young minds
And then myself in the mirror:
     What voice have I put in my own child's head?

On those one or two days
Of heightened colour
Punctuality doesn't stand a chance
   losing dismally to afternoon sunshine flinging magnificent fire
Against my kitchen walls
I will simply sit 
 and drink in that exquisite glide of shadows and light
Not a very convincing reason 
     for handing in assignments late
Compelled though I am

On those one or two days
The activist in me rages
And everyday injustices stick in my throat 
     - utterly unpalatable!
How can a highly educated, 
   dignified man from beyond our borders
       while away the prime of his life,
collecting my tiny R2, guarding my scruffy car?

How can little ones in the township  
     be left unshepherded
While their mothers raise the children of the suburbs?
    Services rendered for less than minimum wage.
And I'm so angry, but I don't know who to shout at.

I'm thankful too
For those one or two days
Once in a full moon.
Inconvenient and intense though they are,
Each cyncial, callous layer stripped off my heart
Brings me back in touch with love, 
            with brokenness, 
                with grace.

And as I tuck my precious child into bed
     I'm again awash - flooded with awe
How could I be entrusted with this 
completely beautiful, 
   completely trusting, 
       completely vulnerable little person,
                Made in God's image
Too marvellous to comprehend


July 2013